The Bad Guy's Survival Guide: The Do's and Don'ts of Villainy

1. If the Good Guys need to go through a complex sequence/ritual/make a speech in order to power up, do not stand idly by. Attack them, preferably in the middle of their spiel.
2. Distraction is your friend.
3. There's nothing wrong with fighting dirty.
4. Do not toy with your prey. If they're down, kill them.
5. Do not toy with the Good Guys friends while the Good Guys are watching. It only makes them angry.
6. The Good Guys' allies are annoying but amazingly resilient. Kill them immediately, but only in a way that makes it look like it wasn't you. If they're too valuable to kill, convince them that they really want to be your ally; bribery or guilt are always good tools.
7. If the Good Guy's power source is, say, fire (like Ryo's armor from Ronin Warriors), do not throw them into a volcano.
8. Pretend to convert to the 'good' side. Then, after you've gained the Good Guy's confidence, learn their weaknesses and exploit them.
9. Get a very good PR person. Take promotional pictures of you with children, small animals, grandmothers, etc.
10. Dress nicely and be courteous to strangers. Win over the public. The mob is your best friend.
11. Win your subordinates' love. Give them good health/dental benefits and a solid 401K plan. Nine times out of ten, love and loyalty will go farther than fear.
12. If love doesn't work, get better subordinates.
13. If you happen to share power with others, do not squabble amongst yourselves. Pitting one Bad Guy against five Good Guys is just plain stupid.
14. Always out number your opponents.
15. Being omnipotent helps.
16. Introduce the depths of your evil in small increments. Anything is acceptable if it's parceled out over an extended period of time.
17. Rewrite your own history to something suitable pitiful (ie, abandoned by mother, beaten by father, forced to beg on the streets for food...). Silence anyone who might possibly contradict you.
18. Honor, glory and justice are hollow concepts. Money makes a better rallying standard.
19. Always take a moment to stop and pet a cute dog. But make sure there are a lot of people about to see you do this.
20. Know your weaknesses. Then destroy them.
21. Give the cannon fodder some marksmanship lessons.
22. Do not toy with your prey.
23. Have a kid. This way the Good Guys look bad if they kill you—especially if your kid is young.
24. Always take a moment out of your day to be nice to your offspring. You want your spawn to love you, not hate you.
25. Have a cool theme song.
26. Don't antagonize the Borg.
27. Create a new religion with you as its head.
28. Give all of your initiatives long, complex name; 'the plan for the beautification of public works' sounds much better than 'fixing the broken window in the south-east corner.'
29. Try to present your evil plans for world conquest in as flattering terms as possible.
30. Repeat this phrase often: A benevolent dictatorship is the best form of government.
31. Rename the War Department as the Peace Department.
32. Try to seduce the Good Guys. All of the Good Guys.
33. Be cooler than the Good Guys. This might not win you points with the public, but it's pretty damn funny.
34. Accept that in life there a Heroes and Villains. Now accept that you're a Villain and realize that Villains always have more fun than Heroes. And better toys.
35. Don't reveal your megalomania until it's too late for anybody to do anything about it.

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