having cake and eating it too


Tomorrow was Lance's birthday and the Voltron Force was at a loss for what to do. Which was why they were seated around one of the counters with a half-gallon tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in front of them. At midnight. Trying to figure out something to give their team member to make this birthday something...special.

"Maybe he wants a pony," Hunk offered.

"Now why would he want a pony?" Allura scoffed. "Only little girls ask for ponies."

"Well it was just a suggestion," Hunk mumbled. He took another spoonful of ice cream. The room lapsed into silence as the foursome returned to the pondering of what to give Lance. Finally, they turned as one to look at Keith. Keith just looked back at them.

"What?" Keith asked.

"Well, don't you have any ideas?" Allura asked in exasperation.

"Why would I have any ideas?" Keith growled. "If I did have an idea, I wouldn't be here."

"Well, damn it, you sleep with him! Surely you have some inkling into what he wants!" Hunk exclaimed, with a slightly slurred voice. He had eaten too much ice cream and it had frozen his tongue.

"I do know what he wants. It's just that I give it to him on a regular basis, so it's not exactly a surprise or that much of a gift. And don't call me Shirley."

"What if we gave him a cake?" Pidge mused, still too naive to catch the implications--nay, the flat out telling--in Keith's sentence that had his friends flushed a beet red.

"Yeah, that's great, but that isn't enough you know?" Allura murmured, trying to remember whether or not there was a security camera in Keith's room and if she had access to those tapes.

"Well, what if we had some beautiful, naked--I mean, scantily clad--chick jump out and give him a lap dance?" Hunk grinned at the thought. If he were Lance that would be the sort of thing he wanted. Two of his favorite things. Chicks and food.

"Hey!" Keith exclaimed, more than mildly offended. "You are not giving my boyfriend a lap dance!"

"Fine. What if you jumped out of the cake?" Pidge replied.

"Good idea! I know Lance would love that."

Keith looked at his friends with wild eyes. "No. No way. You are not baking me in a cake!"

The other three pilots looked at each other with evil glints in their eyes, before converging on Keith in a mass of writhing limbs and outraged squawks.

***


Lance was not a happy camper this morning. First, he was dragged out of bed by a maniacally smiling Hunk--not the prettiest things in the world--then he was blindfolded and manhandled into the kitchen by the slightly crazed wall of flesh. And he hadn't even seen Keith all day.

So, when Hunk pulled the blindfold off of his face, Lance was all set to give his friend a piece of his mind. Until he saw the mess in the kitchen. Then all he wanted to do was run because he did not want to be around when Nanny found out what had been done to her domain.

Then he saw the giant cake. Which appeared to still be alive.

"Happy Birthday, Lance!" The three present members of the Voltron Force shouted. Lance blinked at them. The cake quivered. Pidge and Allura glanced worridly at the cake and converged on it, after a hurried, whispered conversation, they pulled apart and pasted on the huge cheesy grins they had been sporting when Lance had been pushed into the kitchen. They cleared their throat and said again, "Happy Birthday Lance!" There was another uncomfortable pause.

"That's your cue," Pidge hissed.

"I'm not doing it," the cake replied.

"Look, you agreed to do it," Allura snapped.

"No I didn't. You guys tied me down and then stuffed me in here." The cake sounded extremely put out.

"If you love him, you'll do it."

There was a pause. "That's evil. You," the cake hissed, "can't use that line again for another year." The cake's trembling increased. Then, the top suddenly detached and Keith came climbing out of the giant pastry, covered in icing and cake crumbs (and nothing else that was visible), the cake top perched on his head. He had an extremely disgruntled expression on his face. He began to do a very lack-luster rendition of the Marilyn Monroe version of the Happy Birthday song.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Lance, happy birthday to you."

Lance looked at the four pilots in confusion. "Gee, thanks guys, but my birthday is tomorrow."

Keith looked and Lance with a horrorfied expression. "You mean that I was stuffed in that, that, thing for eight hours for nothing!"

Lance nodded, and grabbed Keith's hand. "Come on, let's go clean you up." Lance licked some of the frosting off of Keith's cheek. "Mmm. Orange." He dragged Keith from the room. Hunk, Pidge and Allura watched them leave. There was a silence as the weight of Lance's words finally registered. Hunk finally sighed and turned to his two companions.

"I knew we should have just given him the pony."