one hundred and one uses


It was the first Tuesday of the month on Arus and that meant it was mail day, which also meant that practice was canceled since Keith recognized the fact that it would impossible to pry his team away from their letters from home. Hunk was coming off a shift when the transport ship arrived, and so he got the first crack at the entire teams favorite pastime: snooping into each other's private lives. They were friends and all, but that didn't necessarily mean that Lance was going to voluntarily explain all those packages wrapped in brown paper that made strange clinking noises when shaken, or even show the contents of said packages around. Even if he was just receiving new buckles for his jacket, or a complementary wrench set or (and this was the most disturbing because Hunk didn't think Lance was the kind of guy to get gifts from girls) a box of cookies from an old flame, Hunk could still hope to some day find some kinky bondage toys.

After sorting the mail into separate piles--knowing by now that doing so limited the inevitable 'accidents' that occurred when there were four guys, one repressed princess, and a stack of new porno mags--Hunk grabbed his mail and headed back to his room, ready to spend some quality time with the latest Sharper Image catalogue. The scuttlebutt in the chat rooms said that there was a new torque wrench out guaranteed to give even the most jaded of mechanics wet dreams.

Pidge grabbed his stack around ten o'clock. Along with his usual stack of computer and game magazines, there was a letter from his foster parents thanking him for the gift of a Swiss bank account complete with a one followed by an obscene number of zeros, but could he please stop hacking into the IRS and fiddling with their tax returns because the government might get suspicious and they wouldn't want anybody to got to jail. Pidge smiled at this--like he was going to get caught. He stuffed the letter in his pocket, along with the postcard from Chip, and wandered back to the command center. His penpal was going to send him a picture of herself today. At least Pidge assumed that the person he emailed was a she. She hadn't exactly used specific pronouns, but someone with so refined and gentle a tone couldn't be a guy--or, at least not like any of the guys he knew.

"White hair and blue skin," Pidge mused as he logged on. "Sounds intriguing."

Lance collected both his and Keith's mail not long after Pidge had disappeared into cyberland. There wasn't much left at this point--Nanny was busy vetting what few magazines that hadn't been claimed for 'unsuitable' material. Two packages wrapped in brown paper--too big to be a porno video, and not long enough to be a sex toy of the dildo variety--and a few letters. A sorry collection, Lance thought, but an interesting one since one of the packages was addressed to Keith; and Lance had a pretty good idea what came in Keith's packages.

Lance pushed the door to Keith's room open with his foot, a grin on his face. Keith was sprawled on his bed, barefoot and relaxed. He looked up from the book he was reading, raising a questioning eyebrow as he did so.

"What's up, Lance? Let me guess...You got another batch of cookies and you need a guinea pig to make sure they aren't poisoned." Keith rolled over onto his back, the edge of his shirt riding up slightly, and tipped his head backwards to keep Lane in his line of sight. "Well forget it. I had to get my stomach pumped the last time you gave me cookies. Just what the hell did you do to this girl, anyway?"

"Hey, a true gentleman never kisses and tells." Lance set down on the bed and kicked off his boots. "I stopped dating her after the sex-change operation."

"What, she's a guy now?"

"Nah. She used to be known as Martin. Anyway, if they were cookies I'm sure Hunk would have helped himself to a few." Lance smirked and dropped Keith's package onto his stomach. "You know, if he really wanted to find some kinky sex toys he should really look in your packages. What'd you get this time? A harness? A swing? Ooh, maybe it's a full body suit! Or, wait, wait, I bet it's a new cat o' nine tails. Your old one's wearing a bit thin."

"Sorry to disappoint, but unless the G.G's undergone a drastic change in business, I doubt that this is a sex toy."Keith sat up and carefully pulled the wrapping off the package. "Anyway, I don't know why you keep getting bondage stuff sent to me. It's not like I use it, or anything."

"Well, a guy can dream, can't he?" Lance grinned and leaned forward to look over Keith's shoulder. "So, what'd our esteemed employers send you this time? The updated 'Officer's Bible'? Think it'll include a chapter on how to deal with a perpetually horny team that doesn't involve taking advantage of the natives or result in an orgy of epic proportions? Ooh! I bet if it does, it comes with detailed visual aids."

"Hah, you wish." Keith pulled the top of the box and stared at the folded clothing that lay inside. "Huh. Looks like it's the new official uniform."

"Woo hoo." Lance reached around Keith and pulled the uniform out of the box, sliding off the bed to properly examine the outfit. A small pamphlet fluttered out from the folds to land in the empty box in Keith's lap. "Hey, cool. The jacket is separate. Looks like you aren't going to be hermetically sealed in to this one."

"Finally. I swear, I know that the old design is supposed to cut down on potential handholds when you're in hand-to-hand combat but it gets fucking hot in that thing." Keith picked up the pamphlet and flipped through it. "Huh. Says here that the new uniform is flame retardant. And that there's up to a hundred different special features. Like, the new material, which uses air to keep the body warm."

"Really." Lance held the new uniform out, a small frown on his faces. "Does it explain why you have kneepads?"

"What?" Keith got up off the bed and took the uniform from Lance. He glanced down, noting the leather patches on the knees. "Damn it. I knew that this was too good to be true. The G.G always manages to tack on something completely useless to everything they touch."

"Useless huh?" Lance looked at the kneepads again and remembered how Keith had complained about knee pain the last time he had given Lance a blowjob. That had been six months ago and though they'd been doing other things, Lance really liked his blowjobs. He grinned at Keith. "Oh, I don't know. I think we can think of a use for them."